Are there times you don’t feel wanted and valued?
Do you ever feel that you are no longer an essential and useful part of the life going on around you?
If you have led a busy fulfilling life when circumstances change a chasm of emptiness can open up in front of you. The idea of retirement may have seemed great but after the holiday period is over what next?
Changes which can stop you feel wanted and valued may include losing the comfort and security of regular employment, with its structures and routines through redundancy or retirement.
No longer enjoying the recognition for what you do either in monetary terms or in status.
When children leave home.
Parents die or no longer need our care.
Friends moving away.
Health issues stop us being as active and social as before.
People leaving the military after long periods of being looked after often feel isolated and undervalued and so become depressed. We are only now recognising that people in this position need special help, not just the quick resettlement or job training that is usually offered.
I was involved in outplacement work when a steel works was closing down and the attitude of the steel workers was very clear. Their attitude, whether they were 18 or 55 was ‘I am a steel worker and if there is no steel I will never work again’, and many of them didn't. Their identity was wrapped up in their job.
In contrast a year later I ran an outplacement programme for a company employing women in highly skilled work. When they knew they were going to be out of work they were willing to look at lots of options for their future, were flexible about travel and happy to try something new. They saw themselves as a wife; mother; daughter; friend, who happened to have a job. This made it much easier for them to adjust.
owever I am finding that stereotype changing somewhat, with women who have concentrated on having a successful career reacting a bit more like the men when that career ends.
At times like this it is important to assess what has changed and look at how we can regain these feelings through different attitudes and activities. Find out how to have a purpose, analyse your skills and talents and plan for success.
I use the following questions when working with clients who are in this situation. It is perhaps something you want to try yourself.
Question 1 What was happening in your life when you last felt wanted and valued? (this may be being paid for the work you do, job recognition or being appreciated for your accomplishments, being needed as a parent, carer, partner or friend)
Question 2 When you last felt valued how did you measure this value? (money, recognition, smiles, hugs)
Question 3 What has changed to make you feel differently?
Question 4 If you don’t have this satisfaction now what can you do differently to gain it in a new way?
Quick links to pages in this section
The objectives of this website.
Have a purpose and enjoy life to the full.
Where does your self belief come from - and how can you change it?
Take a few minutes to Analyse your skills and talents.
Do you believe in your abilities? Try this exercise in releasing negative messages
Plan for success and decide what future you want to have.
Become Successfully assertive and have your opinions heard and respected.
Feeling valued again Patsy's story of using her skills after retirement.
Men in sheds is part of a growing international movement bringing men together.
The four phases of life and how to feel younger for longer.
This page is about me and why I decided to build this website.
More pages to come so watch this space
Return to itsnever2late2.com home page.